Saturday, October 07, 2006

And the Award Goes to...

Mark Buehrle – The Tums Award – For upsetting the most stomach’s with his performances.
Jose Contreras – Egghead Award – For having the biggest head, EVER.
Neal Cotts – Worst LOOGY Award – For not being able to get out lefties.
Freddy Garcia – Cheech and Chong Award – For watching his fastball disappear behind a giant cloud of weed.
Jon Garland – Just Win, Baby Award – For just winning, baby.
Charlie Haegar – Least Promising Start Award – For absolutely sucking in his debut, but proving to be a useful player down the stretch.
Dustin Hermanson - Least Likely to Carry the Team on his Back Award – For having the balkiest back.
Bobby Jenks – Triple Digits Award – For the ability to throw gas.
Boone Logan – Most Likely to be Mistaken for a Man with a Coonskin Hat.
Mike MacDougal – Ugliest Delivery Award – For having a chronically jerky, but effective delivery.
Brandon McCarthy – Lankiest Man Award – For being tall as hell.
David Riske – Pun Award – For lending his name to an unbelievable number of puns. I.E. – Riskey Business.
Matt Thornton – Don Cooper Project Award – For being the latest project turned stud, at the hands of Don Cooper
Sean Tracey – Backside of a Barn Award – For not being able to hit the backside of a barn or the backside of the player he was supposed to bean.
Javier Vazquez – Consistency Award – For continually blowing up in the 6th inning.
Cliff Politte – We’ll Always Have ’05 Award – For being dominant in ’05 and quite the opposite this year.

Sandy Alomar Jr. – Third Times the Charm Award – For coming back for his third term of service.
AJ Pierzynski – Most Punched Award – For getting punched repetitively, once by Michael Barrett and by all those who voted for him for the all-star game during the “Punch AJ” campaign.
Alex Cintron – Alcoholic’s Player of Choice Award – For those downing Absolut Citron, the Sox offered Absolute Cintron.
Joe Crede - Man Crush Award - For making men across Chicago develop man crushes for his ablity in the clutch.
Ross Gload – Professional Hitter Award – For being a professional hitter. Free Ross Gload!
Tadahito Iguchi – Most in Need of a Translator Award – For not understanding what a waving arm means; yes I’m referring when he inexplicably stopped running home and just stood there, before getting tagged out.
Paul Konerko - PF Flyers Award - For needing a big time speed boost.
Juan Uribe – Ugliest Swing Award – For dropping to one knee over and over again, flailing at curveballs.
Brian Anderson – Sun Tan Lotion Award – The award is actually made of sun tan lotion, which he gets for the winterball he’s going to play.
Jermaine Dye – MVP – Self-explanatory
Rob Mackowiak – Abraham Lincoln Award – For desegregating, um, for being honest and owning up to the fact that he was no good in the field. “I think I've been a little surprised because I haven't played the greatest defense, and you have to have your best out there at this time of the year, especially center field”
Pablo Ozuna – Pixie Dust Award – For providing a spark to the team and winning games single handedly.
Scott Podsednik – MHP (Most Hated Player) – For having people suddenly turn on you. He was hailed as a great, integral part of this team, and not people want him not traded, but released.
Jim Thome – Worst Actor Award – For continually running toward first after taking a full count pitch that was in actuality a ball.

Joey Cora – Most Likely Person to Need Rotator Cuff Surgery – For waving his arm off like he was Wavin’ Wendall Kim.

Some serious awards though

MVP – Jermaine Dye
Chi-Sox Blog Player of the Season – (judged by most player of the games) Jermaine Dye
Cy Young – Jon Garland
Gold Gloves – Joe Crede, Juan Uribe, Brian Anderson
Silver Sluggers – Jim Thome, Jermaine Dye, Paul Konerko, Joe Crede
Biggest Disappointment – Scott Podsednik

1 Comments:

Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

and the award for biggest guffaw goes to...Boone Logan...that, Jeeves, truly made me LOL

10/07/2006 4:25 AM  

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