Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Buehrle Bile File says, "This Is Not Funny Anymore": Game 140 Recap

The Sox lose meekly: 9-1.

Mark Buehrle:
(pr. n) man from the Mississippi River region of St. Charles, MO; pitcher for the Chicago White Sox, a baseball team and winner of the 2005 World Series
Bile: (n) a bitter, brownish-yellow or greenish-yellow secreted by the liver to aid in digestion; ill temper, irascibility
File: (n) a list, roll; (v) to enter on public record

The Buehrle Bile File started as a result of being overly frustrated with one man's lousy starting pitching. Mostly it contained tongue-in-cheek harrassment faced by many a struggling athlete -- like heckling from the bleachers only with the addage that it surfaced thru a web-log or blog. (If you're reading this at your computer, then you understand what I mean when I say blog.) And so far the Buehrle Bile File has had 12 installments, one pregame and one postgame, for each of Mark's last 6 starts playfully charting, analyzing, paralyzing and terrorizing his game results

Well, the shit is about to hit the fan.

His pitching is like the old kids' joke...

"Have you ever read the book, Brown Spots on the Wall by Who Flung Poo?"

Only I'm changing it to...

"Don't ever read the pitching manual, Who Flung Poo: or Brown Spots in my Pants by Mark Buehrle."

What planet is this guy from? He's pitching like the Death Star just destroyed his home world, like he's lost use of the force, or better yet, like he's turned to the dark side and is only awaiting a call from either the nether-reaches of his Dixie-land home region or a visit from the Dark Lord of the Evil Empire (read: Yankees). Just what is the mystery behind his utter failure?

He was recently reported to have back troubles, but an MRI supposedly ruled out any problems. Am I being sold a bill of goods here? Are Ozzie and KW just shielding their guy from media hounds looking for answers to his struggles? Are they giving themselves a built in excuse for not resigning the homer-happy hurler? Is Mark himself trying to pitch his way out of town? Cuz he can save us all alot of time and fanatic energy by just proclaiming himself unable to pitch and going on the DL if that's the case. We'll fucking win without him.

His nonchalant exit from today's game smacked of indifference and a trifling attitude. This is a pitcher once known for his endurance; now it's routine for him to be removed in the 4th or 5th inning. And there is no sign of self-perturbance or self-loathing! Maybe I just want a sign that he cares, that's he's just as frustrated as I am at how poorly he's pitching. I guess I want to relate to him humanly and would feel better if I saw him explode on a Gatorade jug in the dugout a la Greg Maddux. Even Freddy Garcia and Javy Vazquez show some emotions of frustration. (What depths have I reached when I'm asking Mark Buehrle to be more like Freddy Garcia!)

But what I care about most right now are the four more starts Mark Buehrle is scheduled to make before season's end.

I'm sorry, Mark, but I want you out. Out of the rotation. Let Brandon McCarthy take your place. You're hurting the Sox playoff chances, and if you don't care I want you gone like Jon Rauch or Damaso Marte or Jose Paniagua. I think the team would be better served having you as a long reliever or even a LOOGY since Neal Cotts can't seem to get anyone out either.

Bottom line: I can't and don't trust you, Mark. And the sooner you're gone, the better for me.

Biler out.
Non-awards time...

Bad Ozzie Move of the Game: That little closed door motivational speech sure stayed with the guys for a long time, didn't it? What does it say for your motivational skills when your team's best player gets doubled up because he forgot how many outs there were and wasn't bothering to even look at the 3rd base coach until it was too late? It says that you're tuned out already. And any Neal Cotts sighting at all right now is a bad thing. Oh, and as long as you're shaking up the lineup (read: panicking), you might as well have started Sweeney. And lastly, from here on out, any Buehrle start is a bad move.

Good Ozzie Move of the Game: No Pods is never bad.

The Game Was Over When: JD (and even Paulie who was also running) made the unforgiveable mistake of forgetting how many outs there were in the 6th and getting doubled up at second completely killing what was a potential rally inning. I said it in the game comments, and I'll say it again: the mental acuity of this team is softer than a non-cooked egg.

Big Ups To: I'm half-heartedly giving one to BA who was 2-4 but didn't make a play at the wall. He just doesn't make plays around the wall, and it's glaringly obvious since the last guy to partol CF for the Sox ran thru the wall while making the catch. One more half-hearted Big Ups to Charlie Haeger who wasn't spectacular by any means, but pitched with heart and a whimsical whiffle ball known as a knuckler. And to Pablo who at least looks like he's hustling all the time.

No Player of the Game from me. No one was deserving, everyone was flat. Maybe jetlag really does exist.

One more note: I heard about a report on the ESPN broadcast that said JD was "grumpy" after getting plunked yesterday in Boston. If that's the case, then the MVP candidate does need a day off cuz it clearly affected his mind game today. What I'm really curious about is why this team crumbling mentally after last year's penant race? You can see it in Paulie, AJ, Cotts, Gooch and now JD, all vets of last year's run. This is when you need your guys at their sharpest. Maybe the extended season has taken its toll.

White Sox Record: 80-60.....The Tiggers beat the Twinkies so we're still only 0.5 behind in the WC.


Blogger Jeeves said...

I had full faith that the Sox would come out on fire like they did last night, but of course my faith was repaid with bupkus.

9/08/2006 1:44 AM  
Blogger Fornelli said...

I lost that faith around June. It's been pretty clear since then that offensive explosion one night means ass kicking the next.

9/08/2006 2:16 AM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

I'm on a drinking hiatus after Labor Day weekend, but if every game looks like last night I'll be drunk by the weekend.

By the way, I'm getting to my first game of the season on Sunday!

9/08/2006 7:02 AM  
Blogger DickdaStick said...

Way to get that off your chest James...

may be at Sunday's tilt myself....exploring it, but unsure of my pain tolerance lately.

9/08/2006 10:48 AM  

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