Monday, August 07, 2006

Introducing the Buehrle Bile File

Good evening, ladies and gents, and welcome to the first ever installment of what I what I plan on calling The Buehrle Bile File.

This will be a recurring post that occurs before and after every Mark Buehrle start. (If there's redundacy in that last sentence, you're noticing a theme of mine and Mark's pitching.)

Let me say first that I am a huge White Sox fan, and I wish health, happiness and a hella-hook to all White Sox pitchers. But my target of vitriol from now on will be spared for one main antagonist. (If you haven't figured it out yet, you're a moron.)

Since Jeeves has been so kind as to allow me this little conceit, I say thanks, and I ask for this one diversion: tonight's game has me quite unprepared to type for a long stretch without some sort of liquid spinach, so it's off to meet my Miss Corona for a while. To quote someone at another blog, "My clock just struck Beer-o'clock."

When I return, tonight's lurid leerings have two bases for contempt: high change-ups and mental miscues.

Mark Buehrle beware, I'm about to become your Jay Mariotti. I'll safely boast of your bad outings from the safety of my own little study without ever having to pay for a ticket or stand in the sights of your favorite hunting rifle. I'll be sure to remind every reader of your poorly placed pitches, your increasing errors in the field of play and your lack of mental acuity in tight places.

You used to be one of my favorite pitchers for the White Sox; now you're only the opponents' favorite. If you succeed the rumbling and grumblings will be lessened, but until then, The Buehrle Bile File is in full effect.


Blogger DickdaStick said...

Let it out ! Vent ! We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore !!

What comes to mind when Mark pitches bad, is his not too well hidden desire to play for the Cards.

Us fans are fully and completely into this team - as you can see by our pain at moments like this. It would be nice to know our players are as committed to our team and heritage as we are - or at least bullshit us that you are, and don't tell us how you really want to play for some other team !!

Hey Fornelli - welcome to the message board and please keep contributing ! We need strength in numbers now.

Pick to click - Iguchi. In order to beat the Asian (Wang) , you must play like an Asian. (Apologies to Carl in Caddyshack )

8/08/2006 8:56 AM  
Blogger Fornelli said...

I think Coop needs to take Mark behind the shed and beat the shit out of him for a while.

Everytime he leaves a changeup above the belt Coop should walk to the mound and kick him in the balls. That whole Pavlovian theory should kick in after a few of those.

8/08/2006 12:28 PM  
Blogger Fornelli said...

Oh, and I don't know if I'm eligible, but AJ is my pick to click tonight.

8/08/2006 12:29 PM  
Anonymous Frank the Tank said...

Thanks for the dedicated outlet for our recurring Buerhle problem. It's unbelieveable that within a season, he's gone from our most dependable starter to a guaranteed shelling every game. I went to last night's game and was dreading the fact that Buerhle was pitching, which would have been unfathomable at this point last season.

8/08/2006 12:46 PM  
Blogger Lozo said...

it doesn't help that ozzie leaves him in for that extra batter or two. it's not like buehrle has thrown the most innings of any starter in baseball the past four years.

oh wait, it's exactly like that.

8/08/2006 1:21 PM  
Blogger Chicago Sports Wrap said...

Outstanding stuff!!! Someone needs to document these starts and I look forward to reading this in the future.

8/08/2006 1:29 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Count it...that's reference two on deadspin

8/08/2006 4:52 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

i forgot the link, silly me

8/08/2006 4:52 PM  
Blogger ThePoliticalPenguin said...

I've got to say, this is ridiculous, and you can go to hell.

8/08/2006 9:05 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8/08/2006 9:12 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Why so sensitive, Penguin?

8/08/2006 10:33 PM  

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