Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Buehrle Bile File Game 130 Preview: I Feel Jilted

Mark Buehrle (L, 10-11, 4.87) for the Cardinals Chicago White Sox
vs
Carlos Silva (R, 8-11, 6.45) for the Minnesota Twinkies

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The Buehrle Bile File says...

The first few days after a break-up are an emotional and trying ordeal. No one ever comes out unscathed when someone tells you you're not worth it anymore.

For a dude it's a blow to the ego.

Usually the blow results in a drunken whoring fest where at the end of night a dude usually find himself in one of two situations. First, and less frequently, a dude preys on unsuspecting co-eds using dusty and dated charm and wit (no need for these while you're in a committed relationship) eventually scaring them off at the end of the night with a wimpering karaoke rendition of Richard Marx's "Hold on to the Night" devoted to his ex. (Don't ask me about this. I've never ever done it before in my life. I swear.) Secondly, and much more frequently, around 1:00AM a dude's poor ex gets drunk-dialed where dude simultaniously calls her honey and bitch all at the same time. A dude'll do anything he can to get his ex to agree to a rendezvous so he can give it one last roll in the hay cuz you know a woman just can't resist the smell of stale beer, cigarettes and loud obnoxiuos grunts of love.

The smart woman turns off her phone that first weekend after a break up; the dumb one lets a dude in the door.

Well, Mark Buehrle is in the process of breaking up with Chicago White Sox fans. We all know of his love for all things St. Louis Cardinals, and we're just the girl he's getting close to so he can hit on our friend. (Cards fans and White Sox fans share a mutual hate for the Cubs, so I'd say we were friends.)

We've been duped into thinking he cares (he professes he has no objections with resigning with the Sox). So we've given him the keys to the door (he's been an opening day starter), and we've let him sample the merchandise (he had a string of 49 consecutive starts of 6 innings or more). He's even given us a fan's greatest orgasm (being an intregal part of the 2005 World Series Championship).

And now he wants out. Of Chicago. Of our lives. Of our sweet relationship.

Well, that's the way it looks. He's subtly sabotaging his relationship with us, making us call for his ouster and writing tomes to his recent troubles. (I'm assuming it was my feminie side that inspired me to start the Buehrle Bile File, feeling like a jilted lover.)

Well, Mark, a dude's here to say, if you want out, fine by him.

But I'm drunk-dialing you for one more quick roll in the hay before I let you go, okay? (2006 World Series Champs, please!)

Pick to click...Joe Crede

Note to Jeeves: I'm bored and insomnia is kicking in so I'm publishing at 3:35 AM.
Note to everyone else: Check out Jeeves' courageous recap of last night's rollercoaster heartbreaker, and
add a PtC to the comments. By the way, the conversation of late has been pretty damn good. Keep it up.

89 Comments:

Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Your flatline pic inspired me, Jeeves.

8/27/2006 3:59 AM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Your gall bladder made me laugh

8/27/2006 11:46 AM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Dibs on the MVP...Jermaine Dye

8/27/2006 11:56 AM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Ross Gload is my pick

8/27/2006 1:22 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

I'm hoping to get good karma here for the Sox, but I'll give Dye to DickdaStick and take Paulie.

8/27/2006 1:23 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Buehrle gave up a run already, curses!

8/27/2006 1:24 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

At least it was only one. I'm just trying to be positive

8/27/2006 1:24 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Standing O for JD.

And MVP chants

8/27/2006 1:25 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

We'll see if your good karma is working here, Jeeves

8/27/2006 1:27 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Goodness gracious me.

Paulie, RUN!

I can't believe they turned that DP

8/27/2006 1:28 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

That was a double down the line. Punto robbed us

8/27/2006 1:29 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Innings like that (top of the second) make me feel less suicidal.

8/27/2006 1:35 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

1-2-3 inning

8/27/2006 1:35 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Ross Gload wants more PT.

He's playing hard, and well.

8/27/2006 1:41 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Speak of the devil...SB for Gload.

8/27/2006 1:41 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Here comes a run. SHit.

8/27/2006 1:50 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Let's if Mark can overcome the error

8/27/2006 1:50 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

HE GONE!

8/27/2006 1:50 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

wow, Mark pitched over an error
miracles never cease

8/27/2006 1:51 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Damnit GLoad! What a time to blow.

8/27/2006 1:51 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Thank you Mark! Maybe he'll turn it around and pitch well today, maybe.

8/27/2006 1:53 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

wow POds, way to bring it

8/27/2006 1:54 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

second straight day with a bunt single for Pods

8/27/2006 1:55 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Stop the freaking presses!
Pods with two bunt singles in two games and an SB too!
I wonder if his wife chewed his ass out?

8/27/2006 1:55 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

I could imagine it now...

Podzilla (that's her pet name for him) if you don't start playing hard, you won't be rounding any bases with me at home.

hell, that would motivate me.

8/27/2006 1:56 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Through his wickets.

Thats some British talk for you Jeeves

8/27/2006 1:57 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

I don't know, if there's an open door to the master bath and a bottle of Nivea, he could be okay intil the off season

8/27/2006 1:58 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

MVP! MVP!

8/27/2006 1:58 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Let's go Paulie

8/27/2006 1:59 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

I wonder how many DP's the Sox have hit into as of late that have really really hurt ouor rallies?

8/27/2006 2:00 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

this guy is toast

8/27/2006 2:01 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

A lot, but thankfully that wasn't a inning ending DP! Good on ya Paulie!

8/27/2006 2:02 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

He's toast, but hopefully he doesn't get pulled.

8/27/2006 2:02 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Silva with the unorthodox intentional walk.

Ass. (I'm referring to Silva, not where AJ got hit)

8/27/2006 2:03 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

inning ending double play

8/27/2006 2:03 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

again with the DP, up down up down up down

8/27/2006 2:03 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Kenny needs to hire a coach to make us faster runners. Like when the Bulls had a free throw coach, Kenny should get a specialist that will make our team get faster.

8/27/2006 2:05 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

And Mark need to throw his own DP ball here.

8/27/2006 2:07 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Speak of the devil

8/27/2006 2:08 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

nice call james

8/27/2006 2:08 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

LIB m r a dp!

8/27/2006 2:08 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Insurance runs...

8/27/2006 2:10 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

yes, those would be nice

8/27/2006 2:11 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Insurance runs? How 'bout the winning run? It hasn't scored for us yet. Mark is pitching.

8/27/2006 2:12 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Send BA!

8/27/2006 2:13 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

That would have been an inning ending DP, had there been 1 out

8/27/2006 2:14 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Yeah, Pods was practicing for later

8/27/2006 2:15 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Very fast game today...that means Buehrle hasn't been hammered.

8/27/2006 2:18 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Hell hath frozen over.

Pods steals a base AND guns out someone at second.

8/27/2006 2:19 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Lisa must have really read Pods the riot act, if he's performing this well.

8/27/2006 2:20 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Maybe we're looking at this all wrong.

Maybe Lisa invited some of her Playmate girlfriends over for dinner last night while Pods was at the game, and maybe they had a little too much wine, and maybe Pods came home to some scantily clad, heavily petting women, and maybe he was asked to join in.

And maybe it revived his spirit, cuz he just threw out a runner at 2nd!

8/27/2006 2:21 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

That could be it...The only thing that would motivate a man more than no sex, is sex with multiple, beautiful ladies

8/27/2006 2:22 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Jeeves, you're right, this game is flying by. Good news for Mark.

8/27/2006 2:25 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

that what happens when you hit him, bitch!

8/27/2006 2:27 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

retribution baby!

8/27/2006 2:27 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

AJ's a little pumped, yes? And I like to see him getting his longball swing in gear.

8/27/2006 2:28 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Any sort of swing by him that produces hits is fine by me.

8/27/2006 2:29 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Back to back jacks!

8/27/2006 2:29 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

There're the insurance runs.

8/27/2006 2:30 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

When was the last time we hit back-to-back jacks?

Right now, the first two games loom very large on this season.

8/27/2006 2:30 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

thank you count, I knew I could "count" on you

harharhar

8/27/2006 2:31 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

haha, good ol' puns

8/27/2006 2:36 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Thought Mark was gonna give up a yanker there, just as I was about to comment that he hadn't given one up yet.

8/27/2006 2:38 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

The Sox like to score in bunches

8/27/2006 2:40 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

let's see another pair of back-to-back jacks

8/27/2006 2:41 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Silva is taking one for the team right now.
Mark probably will too.

8/27/2006 2:42 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Way to beat it out BA

8/27/2006 2:43 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Yah, I think the Twins have basically given up on this game

8/27/2006 2:43 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Pile it on JD

8/27/2006 2:45 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Geez, another inning ending DP

8/27/2006 2:46 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Completely off topic:

so in order to get an updated version of the webpage, I have to hit refresh every time I visit the site...ie...say I didn't visit for two days, the page that would load for me would be from two days ago

why is that?

8/27/2006 2:55 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

It's something to do with how your browser is set up I think. I think since it's a page you visit often, and there's a good number of pics on there, the page is being saved so that it won't take as long to load. I could be completely wrong though.

8/27/2006 2:57 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Nice hustle, Joe

8/27/2006 3:02 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Good work Mark!

Hopefully the pen can bail you out, and that first run will be the only blemish

8/27/2006 3:09 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

He got my phone call last night

8/27/2006 3:09 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Groundball DP, let's go MAc

8/27/2006 3:11 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

the theme to this game?

GIDP

8/27/2006 3:15 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

pods...3 hits, 2 sb and outfield assist

this means we're gonna see more of him, and I can only hope they'll be of this variety

8/27/2006 3:20 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Yes, if he regresses back to crappiness, I will freak out, because he's showing he can still play

8/27/2006 3:22 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

Finish it off strong MacD

8/27/2006 3:28 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

jeeves, if he regresses back to crapiness, I'll be happy, cuz right now he's at shitiness

8/27/2006 3:31 PM  
Blogger TheCount said...

He GONE

8/27/2006 3:33 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Chalk that up as a White Sox winner!

8/27/2006 3:33 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Yay. I get to write a good report about Buehrle.
Seriously, this is a good thing.

8/27/2006 3:34 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Of course, I get the painful write-up, and you get the laugher...yes i'm choosing to ignore the 10-0 win in Detroit

8/27/2006 3:38 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Wow, good work James and TheCount, we set a new comment record!

8/27/2006 3:39 PM  
Blogger Pander said...

One word: Woot.

THIS was a typical 2005 game.

Oh, and BA went 2-4. And Pods went 3-4 wtih a walk. Pods...turning things around?

8/27/2006 3:39 PM  
Blogger Jonathan Kelley said...

Pods' hits were not really line drives, just a couple of grounders that got through and a terrific bunt. But he also stole 2 bases, played the OF better, and you never know - this could be the type of game that gets him going. Now, if only Tadahito could have one of those.

PotG was definitely

Buehrle

But huge ups to Pods and AJ. AJ's jack turned an otherwise tight game into a laugher. I knew we would beat Silva, I just didn't know if we'd beat ourselves even worse. We didn't.

And now: A DAY OFF! What will we do with ourselves? Hopefully Freddy will take the opportunity of playing a crappy team and do something with it. Or perhaps better yet, have Brandon pitch.

Win on Tuesday and we should sweep.

Congrats on the posts, guys!

8/27/2006 3:51 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

I took the liberty to update the sidebar.

I didn't change PotG standings yet, I have a strong feeling who you're going to pick, but I'll just wait til actually make your choice.

8/27/2006 4:03 PM  

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