The Buehrle Bile File Game 130 Preview: I Feel Jilted

Mark Buehrle (L, 10-11, 4.87) for the Cardinals Chicago White Sox
vs
Carlos Silva (R, 8-11, 6.45) for the Minnesota Twinkies

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The Buehrle Bile File says...

The first few days after a break-up are an emotional and trying ordeal. No one ever comes out unscathed when someone tells you you're not worth it anymore.

For a dude it's a blow to the ego.

Usually the blow results in a drunken whoring fest where at the end of night a dude usually find himself in one of two situations. First, and less frequently, a dude preys on unsuspecting co-eds using dusty and dated charm and wit (no need for these while you're in a committed relationship) eventually scaring them off at the end of the night with a wimpering karaoke rendition of Richard Marx's "Hold on to the Night" devoted to his ex. (Don't ask me about this. I've never ever done it before in my life. I swear.) Secondly, and much more frequently, around 1:00AM a dude's poor ex gets drunk-dialed where dude simultaniously calls her honey and bitch all at the same time. A dude'll do anything he can to get his ex to agree to a rendezvous so he can give it one last roll in the hay cuz you know a woman just can't resist the smell of stale beer, cigarettes and loud obnoxiuos grunts of love.

The smart woman turns off her phone that first weekend after a break up; the dumb one lets a dude in the door.

Well, Mark Buehrle is in the process of breaking up with Chicago White Sox fans. We all know of his love for all things St. Louis Cardinals, and we're just the girl he's getting close to so he can hit on our friend. (Cards fans and White Sox fans share a mutual hate for the Cubs, so I'd say we were friends.)

We've been duped into thinking he cares (he professes he has no objections with resigning with the Sox). So we've given him the keys to the door (he's been an opening day starter), and we've let him sample the merchandise (he had a string of 49 consecutive starts of 6 innings or more). He's even given us a fan's greatest orgasm (being an intregal part of the 2005 World Series Championship).

And now he wants out. Of Chicago. Of our lives. Of our sweet relationship.

Well, that's the way it looks. He's subtly sabotaging his relationship with us, making us call for his ouster and writing tomes to his recent troubles. (I'm assuming it was my feminie side that inspired me to start the Buehrle Bile File, feeling like a jilted lover.)

Well, Mark, a dude's here to say, if you want out, fine by him.

But I'm drunk-dialing you for one more quick roll in the hay before I let you go, okay? (2006 World Series Champs, please!)

Pick to click...Joe Crede

Note to Jeeves: I'm bored and insomnia is kicking in so I'm publishing at 3:35 AM.
Note to everyone else: Check out Jeeves' courageous recap of last night's rollercoaster heartbreaker, and add a PtC to the comments. By the way, the conversation of late has been pretty damn good. Keep it up.