Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Buehrle Bile File Says, "I Think...." Game 125 Recap

I think The Buehrle Bile File has a few thoughts about Mark's recent performances.

I think Mark Buehrle must be hurting physically.

I think he must be feeling bad mentally too.

I think I should do something to help.

I think I'm gonna start a dance-based charitable benefit, a la Live Aid, for Mark so I can pay for research about what happened to his pitching.

I think I'm gonna call it "Breakin' for Buehrle".

I'm think I'm gonna invite Turbo and Ozone to demonstrate how to make things slide since Buehrle's slider is straight. Special K will be there to expound on how to actually K someone. I'm also gonna invite Mr. Wiggles to give lessons on doing "the Worm" cuz Mark can't worm out of a jam anymore. Then maybe Grandmaster Flash will come give a lecture on mixing and cutting cuz Mark is getting killed on the same pitch everytime instead of mixing it up and his cutter to righties just ain't cutting. A group question-and-answer session on teamwork will be led by The New York City Breakers about allowing your teammates to use their special talents, unlike Mark not allowing his fielders to catch the ball cuz of all the homeruns he's allowed lately. Crazy-Legs can show Mark how a headspin is like using your head by getting a-'head' of the hitters, and Lil' Lee will teach the value of the windmill/ penny as the go-to move and how it pertains to the lack of a go-to pitch for Mark.

I think to be a part of this historic charitable/ learning event, please send $4.87 to The Buehrle Bile File c/o ChiSoxBlog.com. The proceeds will go to feed a White Sox fan hungry for a win (specifically me.)

I think maybe that'll help the taste of bile in my mouth go away.

I think the benefit for Mark will be more a benefit for me so I won't hear a skewed version of "Margaritaville" in my head going..."Some people claim/ that there's an umpire to blame/ but I know/ it is Mark Buehrle's fault ."

I think after that, the Biler needs a drink.

Thanks, Mark.

(Update: It's now midnight and the the Buehrleville chorus is still ringing in my head compounded by my Cubs-fan friends' heckling. Tortured by a red-neck pitcher and Yippies. Robbing that liquor store don't look so bad right now.)


Short Recap...Sox Lose 4-0. (Is that short enough? Maybe a little more.)

  • Mark Buehrle sucks. (Was that succinct enough?)
  • Kenny Rogers is who Mark Buehrle wishes he could be. (4 hits, no runs, in 7.0 innings.)
  • Paulie, in the only real scoring chances, had two GIDPs. (I can't even type it out.)
  • Jim Thome, also in slumpsville.
  • Tiggers feel generous and give the Sox 3 errors.
  • White Sox also feel generous and add to Tiggers playoffs hopes by wasting those 3 errors.
  • Mark Buehrle sucks. (Yeah, I said it again.)
Awards time--------------------------------------

Bad Ozzie Move of the Game: I don't normally advocate violence, but he shoulda kicked homeplate umpire Dan Iassonga in the nuts. He didn't; too bad. I'm sure Ozzie thinks it was a bad idea to wake up this morning.

Good Ozzie Move of the Game: This actually goes to Joey Cora for not waving Paulie around in the 8th on a sharp BA single to CF. Paulie woulda been a dead duck. So much for pushing the envelope when you're down in a big game. Yep, this award is ripe with sarcasm.

Play of the Game: It was over after Paulie's GIDP in the first. The heads were down; the body language was depressed; and the Sox were thinking, "Not again, not again."

Big Ups to maybe MacDougal and McCarthy for holding the Tiggers where they were.

And my White Sox Player of the Games is.....................

You're gonna be waiting a long time if you think I'm nominating anyone after this heartless performance.

Sox Record : 73-52


Blogger Jeeves said...

We need a defibrillator or something to pump some life into this team.
I'm real glad Ozzie got tossed. Let's see if this can get us going. Thanks to some good work by Jim from SoxMachine.com we know how the Sox have fared after Ozzie has been tossed...
The game of ejection: Ozzie's 3-2

Week after ejections:

May 13: 5-2
May 22: 4-2
June 20: 5-1
Aug. 10: 5-2

Those numbers are promising, but also could be completely coincidental. It doesn't seem like anything can break us out of this slump.

The thing that's making me real mad is that the Sox offense and the Sox pitching is slumping. In our last 8 games, we only scored more than 4 runs once. In those same 8 games, we've allowed fewer than 4 runs just once as well.

8/22/2006 9:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sox season is over, just like what I said one month ago right after the all-star break. Twins has a easier schedule. Sox has to face those teams against which we always have some problems: Indians and KC. Starting pitching led to a WS title last year. This year it will lead to disappointment. Maybe last year's title is big enough for a small club like sox to consume for several decades. If this misery begins, I would stop watching sox games. I am a new fan. And I only watch good teams. Being a fan of a losing team just kills me.

8/22/2006 9:49 PM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

I saw those numbers too although I can't believe there's a direct correlation.
But if they go 5-1 in the next 6, I'll call myself a believer.

8/22/2006 9:49 PM  
Blogger Jeeves said...

Yah, the Ozzie getting tossed thing is just my way of being hopeful. I gotta cling on to some belief.

8/22/2006 9:51 PM  
Blogger DickdaStick said...

...terrible body language out there tonight.

Not for nothing, but this is where Big Frank used to pick up the club and put them on his shoulders and carry them till they snapped out of it.... missing him now.

8/22/2006 10:17 PM  
Blogger Fornelli said...

The way we're playing right now we don't deserve to be in the playoffs. Let the Twins go. At least they seem to give a fuck.

8/23/2006 12:37 AM  
Blogger jamesmnordbergjr said...

Interesting Thomas thought, Dick. He did carry the team at times, as recently as last year even, before he went back on the DL. His average wasn't up to par but he had some clutch homers in the middle of the year. Weren't like 7 of his first 12 hits homers? And clutch ones too? I remember though that he was slower than Paulie running to first base cuz of his foot problems, and didn't he get thrown out from RF or some ridiculous place because of it?

8/23/2006 12:41 AM  

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