Give Me Back the Old Iron Mike, The Wordsmith

Deadspinners....As always, comments are more than welcome.

So Mike Tyson kicked off his "World Tour" today, with a bang. Just one bang; he knocked down his challenger just once. After that Tyson just toyed with his challenger, at least, he did when he wasn't gasping for breath. Apparently this is Tyson's first time boxing since calling it quits after losing to Kevin McBride, and he isn't exactly fit. I guess you didn't need me to tell you that though, considering he couldn't knock out this lard-o.

Maybe it's just me, but I miss the old Iron Mike. The one with the one punch knock outs; the one that struck fear into the hearts of his opponents; the one with the high top fade. Seriously, Mike was a spectacle in and out of the ring, but now he's just a joke. A joke that could easily kick my ass, but a joke nonetheless.

Not only would Tyson dominating in the ring be a spectacle, but it would reignite his utter cockiness and brashness and allow us to hear some of those ridiculous and splendifirous comments we heard through the years. Here's a sampling, and thank to wikiquote for these.

On Lennox Lewis
My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

My main objective is to be professional but to kill him."

"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."

On Razor Ruddick
"Everyone knows you're a transvestite and you're in love with me."

"I can't wait til the 28th....I'm gonna make you my girlfriend."

"You're sweet. I'm gonna make sure you kiss me good with those big lips."

"March 16th, Mike Tyson [vs.] Razor Ruddock, Razor Ruddock dies. If he doesn't die, it doesn't count. If he's not dead, it doesn't count."

Random comments
"My power is discombobulatingly devastating; I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

"I might just fade into Bolivian, you know what I mean? I ain't got nuttin' to do or nowhere to go."

"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

On getting his facial tattoo, "I just wanted to put something on my face,I didn't like the way my face was looking."

"I just want to conquer people and their souls."

"He was tryin' to scrutinize wit' my brain!"

Tyson, the romantic
[To a female reporter] "It's no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."

[To a female reporter] "I wanna talk nice to you, and talk about fornicating with you, and letting you suck my dick. 'Cause if I was eloquent with you, you would still look at me like a scumbag."

I may like fornicating more than other people. It's just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I atleast get laid? Know what I mean? I been robbed of most of my money, can I at least get a blow job?"

Some More Randoms to Close with
"I think I'll take a bath in his blood."

I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand - he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like an infantile retard."

"My philosophy was like people basically suck.


Fine, don't bring back Mike Tyson the fighter, at least bring back Mike Tyson the Wordsmith, the one who could write sentences around the likes of Shakespeare and definitely make him convulse like a retarded infant and could easily sell out the globe by masturbating.