If I Were Mike Scioscia

this is how I would beat the Chicago White Sox.

I would first hire someone, maybe Tanya Harding's husband, to take out Jose Contreras and Javier Vazquez. I'd start a "crafty" lefty, who is only considered "crafty" because his fastball can't top 87mph. I would pitch around Joe Crede at all costs during clutch situations. If the game tying run isn't on base, then I would pitch to Crede. I would make sure Juan Uribe is thrown a series of breaking balls or ridiculously high "heat". I'd then tell my batters to foul off a minimum of four pitches per at bat. This drives up the pitch count and forces Ozzie to the bullpen. If anyone but Neal Cotts comes out, I would then tell my guys to not swing AT ANYTHING, because eventually each batter would get walked. That is of course, unless Ozuna is in left field. Then I would tell my hitters to hit it in the air to left at all costs.

Of course this is also in jest, but it does characterize some of the flaws in the team, granted I did exaggerate them. Still, I can't understand why we cannot hit the likes of Scott Elarton or Mark Redman.